Jokes Jokes Jokes

Great to see you here Tommy

Just changing colour schemes.

regards

retribution

89 year old man goes to the doc and demands a sperm test.
The doc "what do you want a sperm test at your age for "?
The old boy "I just married a 19 year old lass and she wants kids"
The doc " well heres a container fill it up and bring it in tommorow"
THE NEXT DAY
The doc "how did it go"
the old boy "not very well"
the doc "why"
the old boy "well I tried with my left hand that did not work,
so I tried my right hand that did not work either.
then she tried with both hands !!!!!! did not work
so then she gets her gob round it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but still cant get this b****y lid off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!":curse:

Hi Tommy



When you first go to Jokes Jokes Jokes and open Jokes by Tommy Irene look up to the far right on bar at top and you'll see little box 'create thread', click on and you'll get posting box with all the tools etc. You'll have to put a header in each time with new thread. Just put Jokes or something similar for this new thread beginning.
You can do with each lot of Jokes or just use Reply again as you've been doing till you feel that thread getting too long or you want to start a new heading again. If you look at my Poetry you'll see every poem has a thread. If anyone wants to reply to a particular poem then they reply only to whichever poem they liked.

regards

retribution

Hi Tommy

Great joke LOL

I am going to start a new thread which I'll delete later so when you open Jokes Jokes Jokes you'll see this thread and that one there. Don't open either one and if you look on top bar right you'll see "create thread". I had trouble at first seeing it but once you know the ropes it's easier. Once you make new thread just reply to it until you feel getting too long then open another new thread.

Regards

retribution

:

Good to see you've found 'create post' whenever you're ready.

I've deleted the other two threads now other than the first joke thread.

Good to see the amount of views you are getting. Great work.

Regards

retribution

This is to the 117 people who looked at the Jokes..I dont own the thread anyone can post Jokes on it.. come on and be a member..

A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.

He replied, "She called Five Horses".


The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.

What does it mean?"


The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian name. It mean........







. . . NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"

Parvinder and Habib
are beggars from Pakistan. They beg in different areas of London.


Parvinder begs just as long as Habib but only collects £2
to £3 every day.

Habib brings home a suitcase FULL of £10
notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and
has a lot of money to spend.

Parvinder says to Habib 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how do
you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'

Habib says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?

Parvinder's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.


Habib says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3’ Parvinder'



Parvinder says.. 'So what does your sign say'?



Habib shows Parvinder his sign....

It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move
back to Pakistan '!
__________________

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.


I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.

They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.


I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.
So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.


As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore.
I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever,
but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day(if I feel like it).

You are alive.
You are able to see the sunrise and the sunset.
You are able to hear birds sing and waves crash.
You can walk outside and feel the breeze through your hair and the sun’s warmth on your skin.
You have tasted the sweetness of chocolate cake.
You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.
You awoke this morning with a roof over your head.
You had a choice of what clothes to wear.
You haven’t feared for your life today.
You have overcome some considerable obstacles, and you have learned and survived.
You often worry about what you’re going to do with your life – your career, your family, the next step, etc. – which means you have ambition, passion, drive, and the freedom to make your own decisions.
You live in a country that protects your basic human rights and civil liberties.
You are reasonably strong and healthy – if you got sick today, you could recover.
You have a friend or relative who misses you and looks forward to your next visit.
You have someone with whom to reminisce about ‘the good old days.’
You have access to clean drinking water.
You have access to medical care.
You have access to the Internet.
You can read.
The truth is, you’re doing better than a lot of people in this world. So remember to be grateful for all the things you do have.